It's never been said, because everybody knows it's true. Life is not fair. That's just a fact. But what can we do?
We have to become tough. You have to know that not everybody is gonna look out for you, but rather, you must learn to look out for yourself. Stand up for yourself. Nobody else will-- er very few will ever stand up for you. In my life, there is one example, a man who once stood up for me, and I will never forget it.
I must've been 13 or 14 at most, and upon entering the city bus on my way for school, some weird, perhaps drunken man, starts insulting me as soon as I walk on. I try to ignore him and walk straight, but I am frightened. I go and sit down near the end of the bus, as the man continues his onslaught on me. As I press the ringer when my stop arrives, a gentleman in the seat before me turns and says to me, " if he gets off, I will get off too". Kinder words have never been spoken to me. This man, whomever he was, would jeopardize his safety, for me.
I was in a state of complete bafflement, and perhaps he sensed my fear of the crazy man, who had it out for me ever since I stepped onto that bus. Nevertheless, I got off the bus, with no one behind me. I continued walking towards school, in that same state of puzzlement.
That was my life. I always was talked down to by my dad, and I had to just take it. It created a cycle of non action; anytime somebody would put me down, I would shy away from speaking up, as I did with my dad for so long. I never was at fault, ever. Not one of those times growing up did I deserve to be yelled at and belittled the way I was by my dad, and I never said a thing back, not once. He was an angry good for nothing piece of shit for mistreating his only son like that. He instilled fear in me, because he was very psychotic. I never once thought to do or say something. Life wasn't fair. Although I do remember telling my sisters that when I got older I would punch him out. I didn't realize the damage he was causing in my brain, by witnessing all this traumatization and fear mongering.
Now to this day, this has been a part of me. But times are changing. I am the big boy now, and when people yell at me I don't always shy away into the corner anymore. I am starting to deal with it more appropriately. But when I am in situations that I feel overmatched in, I revert back to that 'tuck tail in between legs' approach.
Case and point today. Ballin at the MAC, the runs started with all ryerson ballers and others who they clearly knew. I got overlooked every single damn time. When I finally got on a team, this other nigga from the losing team jumps in and takes my spot. MY SPOT! A spot I was waiting for such a long time for. I speak up briefly, saying we have 5, and the other teammate also says we have 5. This bitch nigga goes "who?" And he points at me. He goes "nah nah nah". And I walk off the court, like a BITCH.
I was pissed at the sidelines, but the thought never came to me to stand up for myself, fight or no fight. When a nigga step up to ya, u gotta scrap him. STAND UP FOR YOURSELF. You don't fear death? Then prove it! Walk in the face of danger and talk it down.
I should of not let him jack me like that, who the fuck is he.
I am scared of no man! I've got to know when I'm in the heart of battle so I can come prepared! When you playing against top competition, you in a battle son! Your in a battle to PROVE YOURSELF. I don't give a fuck if they fooling around, they know each other, I have to earn my respect. You earn respect by not letting people walk all over you!!
So bitch as nigga, you did me a favor. You revitalized the fire within. All them niggaz are done, I'm comin for their heads!! Every Friday eve y'all ball eh? Well guess whose gonna be there next week ready for WAR. I'm not only gonna play, but I'm gonna DOMINATE.
